Monthly Archives: November 2011

The Goddess of Relativity

Relativity teaches that ‘Goddess Light’ is the fastest thing in this Universe and that ‘She’ appears to travel at the same speed to all the observers irrespective of their relative motion.

One may not have any objection to accept the first part i.e. nothing may travel faster than the speed of Light (3×108m/sec). But the second part of this religious teaching is definitely weird to those who believe in commonsense- How could the relative speed of Light remain the same to differently moving observers? How could Light appear to travel at the same speed (3×108m/sec) to both a ‘stationary’ observer and to a Neutrino travelling at close to the speed of Light.

Of course religious teachings often look weird but they do have deeper meaning.

The secret here lies with Mr Time who can run slow or fast to keep the speed of Light constant. He ‘ticks’ (and tricks!) differently to different observers so that every observer feels that Light is travelling at same speed ahead of them.

As Light travels from A to B, Mr Time may tick 100 seconds for us ‘stationary’ on this Earth, but for the same event He may tick only 10 seconds for those zooming in a rocket and may not tick at all for the Neutrino trying to overtake Light.

In fact if the Neutrino tries to travel faster than Light, Mr Time ticks backwards into the past for the poor neutrino and allows the Light to zoom ahead of it.

In this race between the Light and the Neutrino, Mr Space also acts against the poor Neutrino. During the flight from A to B, Mr Space dilates or ‘lengthens’ for the Neutrino, so the Neutrino has to travel a long distance than Light for the same flight.

If Mr Time wants to favour, He can make the snail zoom faster than Ms Light and can make Ms Light crawling slower than the snail.

Though it appears against commonsense, it’s not impossible. It’s like a teacher changing the facts so that his pet student always scores top marks and stands 1st in the class.

And also like an umpire tampering with the rules at his will and making his team always win! Plenty of similar examples of this kind of extreme selfishness can also be found in politics.

So we have to imagine that Mr Time is extremely partial to Ms Light, He doesn’t allow anybody else to travel even closer to the speed of Light. He appears to ‘run’ or ‘tick’ differently to different observers and mesmerises so much that everybody (including a stationary observer, an electron or a neutrino) irrespective of their own speed, agrees that Ms Light travels ahead of them at 3×108m/sec.

All this may sound absurd to those who cling to commonsense and logic. But relativists’ religion preaches that our world is an illusion and hence we shouldn’t rely upon our reasoning and logic as they could get affected by our earthly illusions.

Luckily, unlike our reasoning and logic, our maths does not get influenced by the same illusions despite the fact that maths is ultimately based upon reasoning. One may ask why but there is no scope for rational argument and we should simply consider our mathematics as a divine path to realise the ultimate reality or the Gods of relativity.

To join in this religion of Relativity, we should first abandon our commonsense and logic, and try to understand the divine maths and believe in its weird predictions. Then only we can experience the Gods of Time and Space who dictate our reality.

For those who find this path difficult, the advice is to think as irrational as possible. Some weird maths will surely show the divine path to the Relativity God.

May God bless you all (and take away all your commonsense!)

Age paradox and Perihelion Shift

Despite their triumph with relativity and quantum theories, one paradox remained hard to solve for the scientists of the Era of ridiculous science. Why people as they grow and accrue more years become weak and perish while the younger with less age survive better? How come growth is a bad thing?

Of course there was an old saying- to grow is to perish. But explanations based upon reasoning, commonsense, experience and old sayings etc were not accepted by the religious scientists of the ridiculous science who believe only in the God of Maths. So everyone was eagerly waiting for a theory backed up by strong maths.

Finally a scientist proposed the long awaited theory to explain this paradox- “we will have to abandon our traditional thinking/ understanding of numbers. The value we attach to the numbers must be reversed. That is, smaller numbers must be assumed to have greater value than the bigger numbers. So the value of the numbers will go down as we count 1, 2, 3…. 1000 and so on”.

According to this great weird model, older people aged 80, 90, 100 etc have less value than the younger people aged 1, 10 and so on. Now it is no more a paradox that the less valued older people perish easily.

The rational scientific minds cried- ‘this is irrational and not science’.

The scientist replied “our world is an illusion and hence what we perceive, think and experience may not actually be correct. So we can’t simply rely upon our commonsense. My theory though appears irrational and against our intuition, it has good maths and accurately explained the long plagued ‘age paradox’. More over this model also explains another observation – 5mm (greater value) grass weeds better withstand winds than 10000mm (lesser value) long trees. We know relativity theory is weird but it correctly explained the Mercury perihelion shift and has strong maths”.

The irrational scientific world readily embraced this theory of relativity of numbers and the scientist was hailed as another Einstein.

“A 10kg cereal forms a much bigger heap than 1kg of the same. And 60 seconds is 60 times longer than 1 second- so more is not less” the rational minds continued to argue.

“Well, people have also been questioning the theory of relativity with similar arguments.  The problem is that these rational people don’t have a sense of maths and hence can’t grasp ideas like time dilation and space contraction. They don’t realize that 1 sec can actually be much longer than 60 sec and 1kg rice can form a bigger heap than 10kg rice, depending upon the reference frame one uses. For one to understand this cutting edge science, one should just believe in maths and not cling to rationality” the religious preaching went on.

“A person can travel into his past, kill his grandfather and comeback into the present and still be alive despite his grandfather was killed before his father was born! Nobody with commonsense can explain this paradox but Relativity does. We are proud of our religion of irrational science”.